Your browser does not support script



Oklahoma

Hot Sections...

  Loc. News 0
  Events 221
  Poetry 754

Personals...

  Adults 157
  Military 6
  Teens 4
  New Posts 1

Groups/Orgs...

  Adult 25
  Family 12
  Teen 2
  College 1
  Military 2
  Recovery 0

  Clergy 26

  Shops 6

  Services 44

  Notices 9

Local Web...

  EGroups 2
  Resources 0
  Activists 0

Total Area Resources
1,272

Sponsors 15








 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,736,390  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 26704

Category:
healing

Posted: February 1st. 2007 6:11:12 PM

Views: 1086

Resignation from Grief

by Phronesus Disegno

Age Group: Adult



When someone says,
"Don't kill yourself, "
An anger comes to me...
Is it because
When I am gone
They won't get more from me?

"Just think of all
The friends you have,
How you'll leave THEM to feel."
Why must it be
All about THEM?
When "I" now need to heal?

Such friends they are
To cause me guilt,
To base me on THEIR need!
But then I think,
Am "I" my friend?
This thought is wise to heed.

For in the past
When life was tough
Each step seemed like a mile;
I still moved on
And always found
It only lasts a while.

Those ups and downs
Will come around
Much like the Moon and Sun,
Both light and dark
Shall terminate
But soon will have begun.

Am "I" my friend?
I've come so far,
And overcome much fear;
Such friends they are
To let me know
How much they need me here.

With no one else
Yet not alone;
Each time, we made it through;
Those ~WILD~ angels!
They kept us safe
Watching over me and you.

When someone says,
"Don't kill yourself, "
Sometimes it seems to be...
Is it because
If I am gone
They can't share life with me?

"Just think of all
The friends you have,
How you'll leave THEM to feel."
My God... they're right.
THEY loved me through,
And THEY helped me to heal.




Author's Notes: So many times when external influences (like an irreconcilable job situtation) have caused me to gradually, but surely, sink into a severe depression, I have always gone into that frame of mind where I just couldn't stand even an ounce of negativity; and by doing this I shielded myself by thinking the worst possible scenario was the safest one to believe would happen... after all, if it happened, I would have been prepared for it; and if it didn't happen, I would be pleasantly surprised that it didn't.

Now that, at least in my case, is truly a temporary but real mental illness. Not the dramatic type of mental illness you see in freak shows on T.V. where everyone gets slashed to bits, but the actual medical definition where in real life you just sit there and suffer because you don't know what else to do, and the prospect of change seems like too great of a risk because the last thing you need is for everything to get even worse than it already is. And when you're in pain, that is all you notice; the thought of one day NOT having that pain seems perfectly ridiculous because it's too far in the future to offer any comfort in the present.

Depression doesn't always mean "sadness", but it sometimes does. I was not actually sad about anything. I simply felt despair, not seeing any hope or relief in the future, just work, work, work with no reward. Day in and day out I was overworked and unappreciated at my job, isn't everybody? ;-) . No really, I was. It had it's good times, for sure, but as far as not having any hope for the future, I was correct -- but only in the context of THAT particular job.

And it was a shame that I had placed too much of my own identity in that job. I wanted my job to love me back... but unfortunately paychecks can't buy my love, no matter how much I would have liked it to be so. Well, maybe if there were a few extra zeros added to the amount I was getting, ..., on second thought, nah. What good is money if you work such long hours that you are too exhausted to spend it, or if you take a vacation but can't enjoy it because all you think about is the mess that will be waiting once you get back to work? Hmph.

Once I resigned after eight years, I explored new opportunities (with the help of life-saving recruiters for my profession) , and now have some excellent leads for my next job. I looked back at all the lack of hope I once had, and wondered... "What was I thinking? I was wrong about a lot of things, and I needed a CHANGE in order to see that there was more to life than the difficult path I was on."

Death and rebirth. And isn't it difficult to allow something to die, even if it has been causing you pain, just because it was something you had for a long time and are intimately familiar with every aspect of it? But yeah, the time had come to let the job go. Ironically, I do have a sense of loss. I suppose that means I am only human. But now I also have a genuinely hopeful outlook on the future. And would you believe, my libido is back with a vengeance? Wait... did I just say that out loud? Oops. :-) You'll have to excuse me, I'm just happy again after having left a job that was like taking a loooong walk, on a short road. hee-hee.

New job prospects have already become apparent, and today is only one day after my final day at the previous job. And it isn't so incidental that the worst case scenario NEVER even came CLOSE to happening. ;-)

* "Wild angels" is a reference to the song "Wild Angels" sung by Martina McBride, written by Gary Harrison and Harry Stinson, released September 26, 1995. Copyright RCA Records.


Author's Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
More Poems: Phronesus Disegno has posted 627 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Phronesus Disegno - Click HERE
Contact Me Via Email...

Email Invites Note: Yes! I have opted to receive invites to Pagan events, groups, and commercial sales

To send a private email message to Phronesus Disegno...

Disclaimer: The Witches' Voice inc does not verify the accuracy of the details stated in this listing, nor do we vouch for the value of the goods or services presented here... As with all contacts and financial dealings in cyberspace, we encourage you to use caution and wisdom in your dealings with strangers.

Political Statements: Any and all personal political opinions expressed in the public listing sections (including, but not restricted to, personals, events, groups, shops, Wren's Nest, etc.) are solely those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinion of The Witches' Voice, Inc. TWV is a non-profit, non-partisan educational organization.


State/Country flags created by 3dflags.com and are used with permission

Pagan Essays
1996-2014





Pagan Web
8,000 Links





Pagan Groups
Local Covens etc.





Pagan/Witch
80,000 Profiles














Home - TWV Logos - Email US - Privacy
News and Information

Chapters: Pagan/Heathen Basics - Pagan BOOKS - Traditions, Paths & Religions - Popular Pagan Holidays - TV & Movies - Cats of the Craft - Festival Reviews - Festival Tips - White Pages (Resources) - Issues/Concerns - West Memphis 3 - Witch Hunts - Pagan Protection Tips - Healing Planet Earth

Your Voices: Adult Essays - Young Pagan Essays - Pagan Perspectives (On Hold) - WitchWars: Fire in the Craft - Gay Pagan - Pagan Parenting - Military - Pagan Passages

Pagan Music: Pagan Musicians - Bardic Circle at WitchVox - Free Music from TWV

Vox Central: About TWV - Wren: Words, Wrants and Wramblings - Guest Rants - Past Surveys - A Quest for Unity

Weekly Updates: Click HERE for an index of our weekly updates for the past 6 years

W.O.T.W. - World-Wide Networking

Your Town: A Link to YOUR Area Page (The largest listing of Witches, Pagans, Heathens and Wiccans on the Planet)

VoxLinks: The Pagan Web: 8,000 Listings

Your Witchvox Account: Log in Now - Create New Account - Request New Password - Log in Problems

Personal Listings: Pagan Clergy in Your Town - Adult Pagans - Young Pagans - Military Pagans

Events: Circles, Gatherings, Workshops & Festivals

Covens/Groups/Orgs: Local Groups Main Page

Other LOCAL Resources: Local Shops - Regional Sites - Local Notices - Global/National Notices - Local Skills & Services - Local Egroups - Political Freedom Fighters

Pagan Shopping: Online Shops Index - Original Crafters Sites - Auction Sites - Pagan Wholesalers - Pagan Local Shops



Web Site Content (including: text - graphics - html - look & feel)
Copyright 1997-2014 The Witches' Voice Inc. All rights reserved
Note: Authors & Artists retain the copyright for their work(s) on this website.
Unauthorized reproduction without prior permission is a violation of copyright laws.

Website structure, evolution and php coding by Fritz Jung on a Macintosh G5.

Any and all personal political opinions expressed in the public listing sections (including, but not restricted to, personals, events, groups, shops, Wren’s Nest, etc.) are solely those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinion of The Witches’ Voice, Inc. TWV is a nonprofit, nonpartisan educational organization.

Sponsorship: Visit the Witches' Voice Sponsor Page for info on how you
can help support this Community Resource. Donations ARE Tax Deductible.
The Witches' Voice carries a 501(c)(3) certificate and a Federal Tax ID.

Mail Us: The Witches' Voice Inc., P.O. Box 341018, Tampa, Florida 33694-1018 U.S.A.
Log in...

Your Email:


Password:


Stay In?

Create Account

GET Password

GET Help

Poem Search







VoxLinks:

The Pagan Web

Listings:

2,397