Page: Profile: Poetry
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VxPoem ID: 27898
Posted: April 11th. 2007 2:55:32 AM
Understood Promise Versus Proven Promise
by Phronesus Disegno
Age Group: Adult
(total confusion, I think, try to stay with me)
Anger is what I feel
For the one who says he love me
And love is what I feel
For a soulmate true as can be
Not the same person,
Not the same ideal,
Not no this or that,
Just only what I now feel...
One who does all things he can
One who thinks of himself only
One who cares for my feelings
One who blames and sloghs off me
Two people here in my life
One who makes me drink the booze
One who loves with all his heart
But a promise prevents me to choose
And maybe what makes a promise
Should pass as if a season
Why should a promise be kept
If it no longer has a reason?
Yes, anger is what I feel
For that one who says he loves me
But true love is what I feel
For another's heart sets me free.
Do you want to hear my anger?
Do you want to hear my woes?
And what point would it do to express,
For that is how my life goes.
Not the one whom I met long ago
Not the one who avoids my strife,
But the one who can see my soul,
who shows why it's worth living life!
Author's Notes: A.M., or also V.L., you once told me he is my soulmate. I didn't want to take it seriously at first, no matter how much I thought it "might" be true. You were right. So was I. Things happen for a reason, and the justification eludes me, as I was not a true part of it. It just happened, and that was that. I'm actualy glad. I don't know what will happen now. I am angry, I am content, I am sad, and I am happy, all at the same time. That "first" one thinks I needs a psychiatrist, but the "second" one loves me no matter what. What am I supposed to say? Double standards! Am I really crazy, or am I being forced to conform to a personality that just isn't right for me? The first cancelled our time together to go see his neice WHO BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND, WHEN I WAS THE ONE WHO NEEDED CONSOLATION FOR FEELING AWFUL ABOUT MY JOB SITUATION. He never wants to hear anything about my feelings. It's like he didn't care enough for me, because blood is thicker than water. Should have been for me when I needed it. The second was there. Through thick, through the thin, and even the thicker and the thickest. A husband should not treat me like an acquaintance, or a convenience! Yet the second, he is treating me like my best friend of over 12 years does, although my best friend is a completely different person.
Who am I trying to fool? Evidently, the answer is myself.
Like I need anyone else to see the obvious... I don't know what will happen. I am hurting right now. Promises, promises, promises. But no change. It'ws always my fault. But now with the second one, it's like he has gone through enough pain to recognize the difference between "helP" and "rescue". I don't need to be rescued, I take care of myself. For once, the second does what I would do in my own way, except it is in his own way, to do all those "little" things in life that make life worth living.
One day, I will stop trying to fool myself... maybe I am crazy after all.
Author's Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
More Poems: Phronesus Disegno has posted 630 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Phronesus Disegno - Click HERE
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