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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,223,127  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 39741

Category:
humor

Posted: February 13th. 2011 6:33:34 AM

Views: 580

Blowing Valentine's Day Right Out The *ss

by Phronesus Disegno

Age Group: Adult



Sometimes when you love
There are no words to say
The feelings root within
And bloom most every day

And Valentine's Day is coming
I don't know what to do
Should I buy some chocolate candies,
And maybe a dinner too?

Or should I do the same
As always, in the bed
Before falling fast asleep
Rub my lover's itchy head?

For scratching the itchies away
Is the most loving sort of love...
And I think, therefore, that itchies
Are but one reason to fall in love.

And then say to him, "I love you"
In sheets of fresh cleaned linen
And then FART as loud as I can
With a face that's surely grinnin'?

And then PULL sheets over his head
As he wrestles to get free
And then blame it on our cats
For surely, 'twasn't ME!

And hold back his arms a-flailing
Reaching for the air freshener can --
As he's done many times to ME (too many times!)
Again, and again, and again...

No! -- this Valentine's Day is different --
I will treat him with love galore...
He'll feel love as when it was new!
Then I'll FART as I've done before.

But this time will be different
As old patterns become a bore...
I will HIDE the air freshener cans,
So there's nothing for him to reach for!

No nothing, I say, NOTHING! :-)
Just an ominous dark green cloud!
Oh dear, hand over my heart,
Did I just say all this out loud?!

Now you very well may be wondering
Why I'd write and post such a thing?
No it's not because of "love"
Nor reasons Valentine's Day will bring.

Well, a lovely sentiment I'm sure
As the Catholics belive in it
But if love is shown all year long:
Then who really gives a sh*t?

Not me, that's way too much.
For a sh*t's solid as can be.
Religious fluff is a lot like gas --
Just don't blow it towards me.




Author's Notes: If love is shown all year long, there is no need to reserve a special day for it. If gifts are given all year long, there's no need for Christmas, either.

For me personally, the only dates of importance would be an anniversary date of any true and special event. Whether a birthday anniversary, or a wedding anniversary, those things have meaning to me. I don't do what everyone else does, just because everyone else does it.

But being that my sweetheart values days like Valentine's Day due to his own non-Pagan upbringing, then I will make it special for him as best I can. NOT because the calendar says so, but because the only true meaning lies within what one believes... and he believes Valentine's Day is a special day. So for him and him alone, I will make it special.

Maybe, just maybe, seeing him smile is all the reason I need to smile too. :-)


Author's Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
More Poems: Phronesus Disegno has posted 627 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Phronesus Disegno - Click HERE
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