Page: Profile: Poetry
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VxPoem ID: 7243
Posted: November 5th. 2004 2:57:26 PM
Life's Lessons on Love
by Phronesus Disegno
Age Group: Adult
I've had a chance in my life
To learn some lessons well
If I was born with so much love
Why has love been such Hell?
I look back to earlier days
Of not being able to date,
Of being told I'll find the "one"
Blindly depending on fate (yeah, right)
To that I say I've found the "one"
A hundred times or so,
I've had as many break-ups too
So many come and go
I know now being born of love
Does not mean one is wise
Relationships have no guarantee
Of everlasting ties
But after all is said and done
And gaining years of age
Experiences from my distant past
Have finally set the stage
For I have found that I am not
The only one like me
Others have had experiences too
And achieved maturity
And suddenly would you believe
I met someone like me!
We both have had enough of life
I've found that lil' "unbridled me" :-)
Now feels like settling down
For what I want, what I can have,
Isn't running all over town.
And so I guess that in the past
I simply wasn't ready,
I tried to fit the standard mold
Of seriously going steady
I was too young to realize
That's just not what I wanted
I tried to go against myself
And now my past is haunted
I wondered if I'd ever find
Someone I could be with
Someone who'd love me just for me
I thought it was a myth
But now I see after many years
It's not a myth at all --
I needed only to know myself
And my lessons to recall
Simply not wanting to be alone
Ain't reason to give in
If someone doesn't love me for me
Then neither of us will win
I also know they can't love me
Unless they truly know me
Dismissing who they "want" me to be
They'll love me if they show me
I know we each must be ourselves
And not try changing each other
Accepting love for who we are
With no intent to smother
Giving in to each other equally
With balanced healthy loving,
To work together as a team!
No pushing and no shoving
And though I've not felt this before
I always knew it'd happen
The time was right, I found my love
For cuddlin' while we're nappin'
I'm glad of experiences in my past
And of course, I'm glad of his...
I had to live to middle-age
To finally know what love is.
Author's Notes: Well, one thing Mom and Dad were both right about is that love will happen when it's meant to be, and when it's meant to be, you'll just know it. I have spent so many years attempting failed relationships because I thought it was the thing to do. But, what I didn't know is that I didn't really want to be tied down, and so it's no wonder past relationships reminded me of being completely trapped and miserable. Things started changing for me when I began believing I didn't have to be tied down if I didn't want to.
I had to get past certain wrong things I learned about relationships, and start focusing on what it was within myself that didn't want to have one. It was many things, but it mainly boiled down to learning that "adult" love is not going to be the same as the example of love set for me as a child, which incidentally, wasn't all that pleasant. I had to learn how to "own" my feelings rather than be controlled by them, or let someone else control them. That's why I don't like people who are controlling, because they don't want to respect my feelings and thoughts and ideas. And that's why they don't like me, because I have learned that personal integrity means you don't let such people run all over you, or make you feel guilty for protecting yourself from harm, just because they don't feel like they have any control over their own life.
And the biggest myth of all is that I thought I was the only one who felt the way I did. But then I tried something that I never tried before. When the opportunity came to begin dating someone, and everything seemed to be okay, I suddenly decided that entering into a relationship would be my own decision (and not the other person's, they have no right to pressure me into anything) , because it is my life and I don't have to make anyone else happy if they're not already. I set the boundaries to be respected at the beginning, and they were recieved very well. We each knew ourselves well enough to be "sure" of what we were looking for and how much we were willing to compromise. Personally, I have always hated it when someone tried too hard to please me, because I always wondered if they had their own identity. I could never have been with anyone whom I couldn't know because they didn't know themselves. And I don't like the unknown very much.
Now that we are both content with the way things are, I am finding that I actually want to go forward and be serious. I feel like we work together on all issues like a true team of best friends, yet we are not lost in each other because we are both independent thinkers. We honestly try to please each other, but not at the expense of our own well-being. I attribute this to our both having once lived life in the fast lane to get it out of our system, and then finally deciding to slow down now that we are at an age where we can't "live fast and die young" anymore. That is, we can still live fast if we wanted to, but dying young is no longer an option. And anyway, why would I want to live fast when I am feeling rather special to someone and the feeling is mutual, based on sound and well-informed decisions?
Who knows what the future will bring for us? No one can say, but it's not for anyone else to say... Whatever the future holds, it starts right now.
Author's Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
More Poems: Phronesus Disegno has posted 624 additional poems- View them?
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