Page: Profile: Poetry
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VxPoem ID: 8283
Posted: December 29th. 2004 3:06:29 PM
Because I'm Not A Woman
by Phronesus Disegno
Age Group: Adult
Because I'm not a woman
I face treatment from others
To uphold a masculine stance
From falsified friends and brothers
They take one look at me
And a man is all they see
So when I don't act tough
They decide to treat me rough
They don't think I should show
Those times depressingly low
As if gentleness were weak
For a man to ever speak
I wasn't allowed to cry
And it seems I must stay strong
No wonder some men harbor anger
Repressing feelings so strong
I must stay focused and cold
When I'd rather just cry out
Becoming prematurely old
And filled with such self-doubt
Prenatal ovaries descended
My womb of life fused shut
And for that I am expected
Not to flinch as they punch my gut
Societal guidelines perverted
To tell me how I should act
Those standards don't fit me,
Demeaned if I can't be "all that".
It's time to educate the world
As best we possibly can
Many think it's hard to be a woman,
But it's just as hard to be a man.
Author's Notes: This poem was not intended to offend anyone, but hopefully it is thought provoking. Differences in sex have always seemed to be a source of tension among all people, but the greatest tension occurs when the arguing parties are uneducated on the true basis for the tension, because they are being challenged to justify something that is very real but cannot yet explain. Like religion, for example, when an athiest asks someone to "prove" that their god or goddess exists, and it just can't be done but it still doesn't change anyone's mind, and so a fruitless argument ensues.
I think the so-called "war between the sexes" is really just a cry for better understanding and an initiative to learn. Both sexes have legitimate complaints, but it's when they ignore each other to assert that their own sex is justified in all claims while the other is not, that perpetuates the problem and solves nothing. I have learned that when people hold ideas so closely to their heart, even in the face of strong dissention, that it is probably justified, but anger occurs when they don't know enough about their own claims to explain them, which is where the education comes into play. And, I have also learned that when someone holds an ideal so closely, that it has a very real and lasting and true basis, even if the person doesn't know how to put it all into words. For example, being Gay, at an early age I knew I wasn't a bad person who was going straight to Hell and that gayness was NOT a choice for me, but didn't know how to support the claim; BUT, as an adult, I could tear someone up one side and down the other if they ever challenge me with stupidity and ignorance. I need to work on not enjoying it so much, though. :-)
When a person understands their own very personal and perhaps controversial claims well enough not to get upset when someone challenges them, that's when the door to resolutions finally opens, given, of course, that both sides are "ready" to arrive to a resolution. ;-)
ADDENDUM July 7, 2005:
Here is an excerpt I once wrote to someone in an email regarding some of the issues of imbalanced values placed on the masculine and the feminine. It focuses more on the effects on women, but hopefully it inspires consideration to how men suffer as well. I would like to get the perspective of both Masculists and Feminists on this excerpt if possible. And yes, in case you wonder after reading it, I am a bona-fide Masculist to the core, and hopefully this excerpt does not misrepresent anyone. Let me know what you think about it:
I don't fully understand why, but Christianity has attempted to erase and invalidate any concept of any feminine deity (and as a result has undermined feminine values according to general perception of society) , but feminine deities predate Christianity by (I think) 70, 000 years. What were those ancient people doing so wrong, if they were able to achieve a working and harmonious society? It is particularly important for women (and by all means for men as well!) to have a feminine deity that they can relate to and feel secure in ways that just aren't achieved in a Christian traditional sense, especially when they are aware of a deep need for healing that is only achieved by the Divine Mother, the One, the Feminine Goddess. As an analogy, I love my own biological father with all my heart, just as I do my own biological mother. But anyone is lying if they say that they have never gone to one parent over another, depending on the situation, because of what that one parent could innately provide that the other just couldn't.
I go to my dad to be reminded and proud of my masculinity and for affirmation of my codes of chivalry and what it means to be honorable. As deep and unconditional my mother's love is for me, it was only my dad who was able to provide me that "initiation" into manhood. While I do not speak for all men, I believe I speak for most by saying that there are just some male mysteries that are achievable only by men, or in this case, by a masculine role model like a father for his son. I love my mother more than words can say, but gosh, I didn't even feel like a grown man until my early 20's when finally, my own father expressed over time that he considered me to be a man in his own eyes and not a "boy" any longer, and was very proud of the man I had become. It wasn't until that point that I was able to have that "completed" sense of self-confidence to move forward in my life as a true and real man. I would imagine the male mysteries are essential to men, as the famale mysteries are to women. Unfortunately, the imbalance of values interferes with such things because men are less prone to cry out when they are in need, resulting in internal suffering that only a man can know, and that only another man can relate to. Dad has tremendous love for me, and my heart beams when he tells me at the end of a phone conversation that he loves me, so many men in this world need to hear that from their fathers but don't. I wonder if some men in this world do not feel like they are men because they don't believe they are loved and accepted by their father, that their father is not proud of them.
I go to my mother when I am on the verge of crying over emotional distress, when I cannot explain or understand what I'm going through, and when I need to feel "mother's" love. If it weren't for her, I would have only known suppression of my emotions from society's oppressive standards, and would have become jealous how women are "allowed" to be emotionally expressive while men must hold them all in. I relate easily to men who harbor anger because they have no outlet to express it, thereby harming the ones they love. It saddens me that this is so often the case, and I find it interesting to observe male-female couples in which the balance is achieved when two people equally unbalanced always find each other. Whether it is two level-headed people, or the classic abusive husband and victimized wife. It tears me up to be reminded of this, since it was the environment I grew up in.
What's good in my situation, is that I am now able go to both parents for most anything I need, especialy now that they are true friends to each other and are living their elderly years as best friends. But somehow, I just "believe" mother more for certain support, and the same for my father for other types of support. I think this concept applies to a Divine Mother in combination with a Divine Father.
By example from my lifetime of learning to understand my own mother, no woman should ever have to live a life thinking she is not as valued because of religion, or that feminine characteristics and values are inferior in any way to masculine ones. They overlap in some areas but are also are different in others, and we see what happens to society when one is valued over another, just watch the news at any given moment on TV. I don't think that men are the cause of all the problems of the world, I think that the imbalance of masculine and feminine values is the cause, and that if a balance were achieved, certain women would not have issues with men, because men really do have a great capacity for love. It is unfortunate that society oppresses men when it comes to being all they can be, by limiting how they "should" be. I suspect that this type of imbalance is what inspired the Feminist movement, and just look how many women responded to it, it is on a GLOBAL basis! That has GOT to say something. This need of society for a Divine Mother too cannot be erased even by 2000 years of Christianity, and so it hasn't been. It is no different than any child of any gender needing both feminine and masculine influences during development, in order to live a heathy life. And, it is no different than a child or adolescent's development, when one parent is naturally favored over the other for whatever reason for a time, but eventually (hopefully) as an adult the balance is achieved and they are both needed equally, for different reasons.
I have found one excellent resource for women. Dr. Christiane Northrup has a book and DVD/Video called "Mother-Daughter Wisdom". It is for anyone who has ever had a mother and/or ever been a daughter, and as well as those who will one day be a mother. It is for all ages, from youth to elderly.
Go to: http://www.drnorthrup.com/
...and then click on "Health Store" for more information.
Author's Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
More Poems: Phronesus Disegno has posted 630 additional poems- View them?
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