Page: Profile: Poetry
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VxPoem ID: 35688
Posted: March 31st. 2009 12:55:43 PM
by Azurite Phox
Age Group: Adult
Okay...yeah...so...I'm fu**ed! Do you think I really care? I've tried and kept my hopes in balance, but they're leaning in despair. I refuse to know who I am because I'm afraid of what I'll see. My world has plummeted further and it splashes through a desolate sea. As I exert to keep my head above the water, I soon begin to lose the will to live. I told myself that it's not my fault, but my doubts tell me it is.
It's like my conscience turned on me so I must force myself not to pop any pills. I want sooo bad to have THEIR life, but my wishing really kills. I scream and scream till my voice is sore, but no one can even hear. Invisibility is why I'm hurting; it's so obvious and clear. I wish that I could run away to a place where I can accept to be alone. But here I remain, hopeless and unwanted. My broken heart can't ever be sewn.
I'm covering up my true emotions by laughing when I'm nervous. I've become a lost soul who pleads for help and who lacks strength and courage. I lie awake after silent fits wondering if I'll be missed. Tears run down my face and land on the prescription bottle that lies in my hand dispensed. I begin to imagine swallowing every last pill and my family finding my still body...dead. More tears begin to well up in my eyes and I let out a wail of dread.
I curse the absent doctors for saving my life and leaving me to suffer. It's all because of my stupid heart that I'm weak and wishing that I was tougher. No one's ever understood anything I've ever done. A few names I recollect being called were weird, ugly, fat, slut, and dumb.
My family and peers tell me they love me every other day. I can't believe them. I refuse to accept that they really want me to stay. The best possible answer I can think of as to why everyone wants me around...They want me to suffer life, but I might as well be six feet underground. I really wish my tears would stop and give my heart a chance to mend. What other possible way is there to make all this excruciating pain end?
Author's Notes: This is typical teen depression. I don't feel this way anymore, but I liked the way I worded it when I wrote it 2 years ago. In that amount of time, I learned that life is precious and it can't be taken for granted...
Author's Location: Laie, Hawaii
More Poems: Azurite Phox has posted 38 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Azurite Phox - Click HERE
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