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Page: Profile: Poetry
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Poem Specs
VxPoem ID: 34068
Category:
personal_life
Posted: September 7th. 2008 9:37:36 PM
Views: 228 |
THE LAST THING I WANTED TO HAVE...
by Angel Nevarious
Age Group: Adult
its the feelings in my heart that give me this pain, the thought of this is unbarrable, a scary thought it is to have not a person in your life from wich you can confide in to have that feeling of warmth that for so long you prayed to have, to not have the love that you see all around you, the things so many people take for-granted, oh how i wish to have felt and been in there shoes, but it is out of there shoes where i learn the truth, and i see them throw away the one thing i want on this earth, the happiness that i need, but do i dare try again to obtain it, i should certinly like to, but i cant help but feeling the pain that i once felt so close the cold darkness is all i have and it is that darkness where i find my thoughts finally clear, i spill them out like a cup falling one the floor a cup filled with red wine on a white carpet, i let them soak up and i see the stains, the pain and the memories of that wich i run from, is it fear that keeps me alone, is it fear that keeps me in this room, in the dark, some-times i wish i knew what it was, some-times i sit and i just cry for all that i have lost, but you couldnt possibly understand, you would probly just tell me that what i am feeling is normal, but is it normal to feel this way and get worse, they say that the fear is what drives us, but i would have to dissagree, i think it is hope, the hope of love, the one thing i have been searching for, i know not what lies ahead, i know not the path to take, all i know is that i cant give up, even when all hope seems lost and i cant take it anymore i must press on, but it is so hard, i feel as if my whole world is a big let-down, but a beautiful
let-down, is it these memories that keep me in this state or is it the constant thought that i will be let down yet again, i feel in my heart that everytime i think i am finding that happiness that some-one is trying to take it, i feel like everytime i am close to geting to that point of true happiness i am push aside and left once again in this dark place, still it is in this dark place that i feel safe, and it is in this dark place that i realese my true emotion, where i can be my self, but it is also in this dark place where i am trapped chained, but not left locked, i have the key, and yet i dont use it, why i ask my self time and time again, and still i answer, i dont know, is there somthing wrong with me, why do i put myself through this, why cant i breath, but still i live, i am suffercating and i feel that i'll never breath, but yet i press on, is it that last spark of hope or is it the fear that keeps me living i sleep but still i lie awake, i see myself and i hate what i see what i have become, i wish i could just stand up and start a new, but for some reason i am hasetent to do so, and it draws question, and i cant help but wounder how can this be, how is it that i awake everyday and it is the same thing, the same alone feeling that is alawys with me, what is it that i cant seem to be , or get rid of, the point where i lose control, i say to my self somthings got to give somewhere or am i to forever feel this pain and reside with in the darkness of this room? what am i to do? i need help, i dont want this anymore i dont want ot feel this way any more...Will I forever be doomed to walk an empty desert of darkness?
Will I see souls of those who have hurt me?
Walking in nothing but a wasteland
Feeling the heat of those who have scorned me?
Seeing the dreams of those that tried to destroyed me?
Walking for an eternity
in the tears of my pain?
They drink the cups of my sad lonely tears?
Damned to a torment of my pain?
Made so much stronger in my pain...
Never again to hear their hate
Witness joy,
experience love,
and Warmth.
Will I walk a human Wasteland?
No, I will not, they are no longer able to hurt me.
their pain has begun so faithfully, I see them hiding but I hurt them not, I only show them my pain and there pain is what I cause.
Author's Notes: This is what happens to a man when he gave all he could and in the end it was not enough, to try and try but never make the difference this is what comes to be....
Author's Location: ponder, Texas
More Poems: Angel Nevarious has posted 12 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Angel Nevarious - Click HERE
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