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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 14,853,400  

Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 24634


Posted: October 1st. 2006 12:39:37 AM

Views: 1461

The Black Sheep's Requiem

by Nyx Sange

Age Group: Adult

You asked me not to, but I fear I have betrayed you.
I am still dwelling on the hate.
I can't help but do it.
You say that it is not worth worrying about, but why am I doing so?
Why do I never listen to you?
When you ask me to stop, why do I continue?
When you ask me to be thankful, why do I still dwell?
My heart has been filled with hatred.
I've always been a scapegoat;
I've always been taught that it was my fault, no one else's.
I can't place the blame elsewhere,
So please forgive me for going back on my word.
I'm thinking about it now, as I write.
I hate them for making me guilty.
I hate them for not being warm.
Why do you think I run to your home when I am distraught?
Your home is my sanctuary.
Isn't that ironic that my own home isn't good enough?
So let me sing my requiem before I drown in my tears.
I tried to forget, but a pain that palpable is too great to erase.
A pain that makes me emotional and become that which I hate.
Fear not, for these are not my last words.
I still have faith in us both, but I have my doubts too.
I only write this requiem in hopes that you will teach me love again.
I cannot find love in my own home.
I need to find it in you.
So teach me your love and your compassion.
Let me dwell on the past, but don't let me be an ocean soul.
Let my emotions take me over, but be there to rescue me.
The ones who were supposed to love me have failed.
They thought they were healing me, but they've opened up more scars.
They've left me broken and convinced me it was my fault.
I am their black sheep and I cannot change that.
But must they frown on this lamb so much?
I see beauty in the darkness, so I embrace it.
Why can't they see what I see?
They wish I was not so dark.
They hate that I associate with it.
Why do they try to make me what I am not?
Do they hate that part of me so much?
And they wonder why I'm afraid to come home?
They want me to come back to all of that?
All the hate and sorrow that plague my home?
They create an atmosphere that suffocates me.
I wish I could make them see what I see.
I wish I could show them all the demons I see.
They are not the "angels" they think themselve to be.
I'm scared to go home because it is my hell, not my sanctuary.
My home should be with you.
My home should be filled with love and warmth.
I envy you because despite how scarred you may be,
You have a loving home to return to.
Look what I have...
So please forgive me for going back on my word.
I'm sorry for dwelling on what I said I would not anymore.
But please understand that if I contain this,
It will only make me worse that I already am.
Just remember that whenever I need a sanctuary,
I will always come to you.
You are one of the few angels that have given me peace.
So as I finish singing my requiem, know this:
Let me run into your arms before I drown in my sadness.
Give my heart the home it deserve.
Let me find my solace within you.

Author's Notes: Half poem, half rant. I had to because i know how bad it is to keep all those emotions bottled up.

Author's Location: Brookfield, Wisconsin
More Poems: Nyx Sange has posted 63 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Nyx Sange - Click HERE
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