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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,239,568  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 28480

Category:
personal_life

Posted: May 13th. 2007 4:12:03 AM

Views: 653

Overflowing and Out of Control

by Nyx Sange

Age Group: Adult



Never in my life have I been filled with so much emotion.
Rage, hatred, love, passion, sorrow, anxiety, the whole spectrum.
I cannot release all of them at once, I fear.
For if I do, they will war against each other and destroy me
And those I love and care about.
So what can I do? Is it possible to bottleneck?
Have one emotion come out at a time and resolve it before the rest explode out?
So here goes everything...

First, the usual. Exams, school, life in general.
Two classes down, three more to go this semester, two of which I need help.
A usual anxiety: "Will I be good enough? Will I pass? What happens next?"
But then comes next year: "Am I ready for this? What am I going to do this time?
Will I be able to handle living away from home and not in a dorm?" And still I fear.
But this is life. It is meant to have fear.
It is how one handles the fear that makes them the person they are.
I must accept this fate and make myself.

Yet I cannot wait to move in with him. My cure to my problems.
I cannot wait to come home and have him waiting for me to walk through the door.
I want to fall asleep in his arms and wake up in his arms.
He makes me feel safe. Every trouble, every menacing thoguht vanishes with his touch.
Emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, he is my medicine.
I am protected and safe with him. I am indestructable with him.
I love him so much, the balance of my life. My darkness and my strength.
I would give anything to be with him like this forever.

Why can't I feel that love from my own family?
Can't they see me whenever I come home, or are they that blind?
Can't they see how broken I become once I walk through the doors? Apparently not.
They still fight each other and me, and with each fight, they break me down.
It's hard for me to support my friends anymore with a cracking foundation.
Why must they all begin to break down when I'm in the middle of that process?
And when they do, why do they come to me? Is a broken person still able to heal?
Love and friendship are powerful tools, also very dangerous.

And after all this, I am still able to hate. The main two are those that opress others.
The system that has committed a friend and refused to give her medecine she needs.
She needs her love to get better, and they are denying her that. Such fools!
And then there's the captor, who has not let go of the chains.
The one who restrains her "love" and suffocates him. Who talks of deceased passion.
Who talks as if they are still together. Who lies to get him to stay with her.
Who makes him feel guilty for even trying to let her go. How can a person do this?
I want to free him, but I feel I can only do that by hurting her. Such is the wrathful path.

I wish that everything I vent will eventually pass. But it takes way too long.
It drags on in me like excess baggage, weighing me down, harder to move forward.
I hope the love will stay and the hate will subside, but it never does. It must be balanced.
I want to help, but I can't unless I help myself. Why does that seem so impossible?
Is this another part of life I have to endure to make myself stronger? And if it is...
Am I suposed to feel like it's only making me weaker? Am I supposed to feel dead?
Or is this something that I need to ask help from. If so, why is that so hard?
But the fact remains, as it always has: I am not well. I need someone to help me.




Author's Location: Brookfield, Wisconsin
More Poems: Nyx Sange has posted 63 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Nyx Sange - Click HERE
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